Letter 3

Hey, Dad!
     Remember how I used to call you when I had a really tough decision to make and you would always seem to give me the right answer? Well, I need you to do that for me right now. The issue is your living situation. I want you to go to a skilled nursing facility, you want to remain in your apartment. My concern is for your overall safety. Your concerns are your independence and privacy. Who is right? What is the best decision? You would have me think through the worst case scenarios. Okay, so the worst thing that could happen to you living alone is you could fall and hurt yourself and no one would be there to know. The worst that could happen in a skilled nursing facility is that they could abuse you verbally, physically, financially or a combination of the three.
     I just knew that the hospital would see it my way. You hadn't been eating very well and you had been complaining of shortness of breath, so I decided that taking you to the hospital would be the best solution. Your blood pressure was high, so they decided to keep you overnight. Once you were placed into a room, I spoke to the nurse about my concerns for your safety at home. She told me that the doctor and social worker will come to his room in the morning. I told her that I will return the next day.
     I start to explain that you are going to stay overnight. You get upset. You keep telling me that you want to go home. You don't understand why you have to be there. I tell you that you that the doctor just wants to make sure you stay safe and eat regularly. I also explain that your blood pressure was higher than normal. You just say that all you need is rest. You also tell me that you asked God to take you because you didn't want to be in the hospital. Those were difficult words to hear. Still, I held out hope for the doctor and the social worker to tell you that you needed 24-hour care.
   The next day is today. I walk in your room, ready to have a serious conversation with you regarding your new living situation. I came armed with all of the answers to questions you may have. What I wasn't armed with was the belief that you actually know what is best for you. The doctor and the social worker seem to think that you are perfectly aware of what you want and have no problem granting your request. They want to have physical therapy come in to do one more assessment, but after that, you will be cleared to go home.
     When the doctor and the social worker came to me with that information, I was hurt and upset. I felt that they could not possibly be concerned about your well being. I believed that they just wanted to hurry up and discharge you so the insurance company wouldn't have to keep paying for your stay. It wasn't until I got home and thought things through that I recognized my error.
     I am supposed to be your advocate, not your parent. I need to make sure that what you want, as long as it doesn't compromise your health and well-being, is what I need to do. If you want to stay at home allow the home health aides and physical therapists to come to your house, then that is what I will do. In the meantime, I will pray that God's spirit surrounds your home and protect you from any hurt, harm, or danger. In your own way, you were still able to walk me through to get to the correct answer. Thanks, Dad!
     I love you! Talk to you later!
     -Tina