Hey Dad. So, the holidays are over. Well, the major ones, like Christmas and the New Year. The most difficult of all of the days was my birthday. I had a party the Friday before my birthday. It was supposed to be the best party I've ever had. I've never felt so empty. All of these people were there to celebrate me and all I could think about was how empty I was feeling. Then, my birthday came and I didn't get my usual call or my usual calendar. Nothing. Noone gets my birthday but you, and me. You told me that it was 11:27am when I was born. You told me everything that led up to my birth. From, how you met and dated my mom to what you and my mom were eating when she went into labor. I loved listening to every minute. This year, my 40th year, you weren't there.
I eat and eat, and eat. I keep on eating because I'm so freaking empty. I move about the world as a puzzle with a missing piece. I cover up the missing piece so no one will see. I cover it up with school, food, church, Netflix, (other things) so no one can see the hole. But, I can see it. Worse than that, I can feel it. Does this hole ever get filled? This is a miserable feeling.
Well, I did make it through the holidays. I wasn't happy, but I made it. I'm still not happy, but I'm here. I don't know what I'm here to do anymore. I just keep doing what I've always done thinking that maybe one day doing these things will make me feel better again. I don't know, but I need something to change quickly.
I love you, Dad
Teen
